Technically Challenged

Helllurz! Due to technical difficulties, I haven't been on my P's and Q's. I haven't even had a cell phone for the past month. EFF! No worries, I'ma be back on my blogging tip. Be patient my chicadeez!

Feng Shuizzle

I've been having the trippiest dreams lately. Back when my room was spotless with candles burning errnight, my dreams were sheer bliss. Did I wanna wake up? Nahhhh, five more minutes! Now it's straight "EGHCK!" (Malice from Clipse voice). Since when did my room suddenly turn into a replica of an ancient Egyptian empire complete with pyramids composed of clothes and towels + a Nile River of magazines, books, and boxes? Sorry, but I'm not tryna be Miss Cleopatra in this piece! I'm about to hop on my Martha Stewart tip and make this spot spick & span! Wish me luck. xoxo.

Sugar Rush

I'm too hype right now! I don't know if I should blame it on this ginormous syrupy sweet tea I jst downed or the 2 hour non-commercialized Jay-Z concert on FUSE. Mmm, let's go with both. And yes, that IS another cup in the back. I can't help myself. These things are too good to be true. Do they pre-soak the tea leaves in heroin? Is this NOT sugar, but crack? Cocaine? McDonald's, I haven't fucked with you guys since you first started putting out ice coffee back in '08. Whodathunk that you would win me over with your sweet teaaaaaa?! Just don't expect me to be devouring any Big Macs anytime soon....

My Favorite Hue is Jay-Z Blue.

Next person to ask me if I've listed to Blueprint 3 yet, will be getting the side eye! Don't even think about asking if I've downloaded it, you will be getting decked in the mouth. Back in '99, my BET/MTV brainwashing commenced. That was quality TV back then. EVERYONE loved Carson Daily's awkwardness on TRL. & who could forget Big AL from Hits From The Street. Moo Sa Moo (if you know what I'm talking about right there, pat yourself on the back). At 4 o'clock, couldn't noooobody touch the remote when Rap City came on. Music videos were the main element to my life then. I digress. This post is supposed to be about Jay. Anyways, one particular video changed my life. BIG PIMPIN'. Yeah, I'm aware about 88% of that vid was pure TNA (titties&ass), but I wasn't looking at that. I was peepin' you, Hovi Baby! I guess this explains my attraction to all the ugly boys with a strrrrrrong ass demeanor. Ay yi yi, I digress one moe 'gin! Lemme just finish in laymen's terms: Jay-Z = G.O.A.T. I'm using all my willpower to stay away from the Blueprint 3 until 9/11. So do me a favor and spare me by not putting ANY BP3 quotes in your aways, Facebook statues, or Twitters. Thanks. Oh, and I came about 3 times watching this commercial (below) he did for Rhapsody. I'm kidding. No I'm not.

Kenny FUCKING Powers

Aside from going through closets, looking at old memorabilia, and listening to my Jewish grandpa talk about the 70s, I'm downloading Season 1 of one of HBO's greatest sitcoms, Eastbound & Down on iTunes. If you've never heard of it, kill yourself two times then hop on here. If you can watch the video below with a straight face, kill yourself again.

I been gone for a minute...

Now I'm back at the jumpoff. My blog hiatus hasn't been a good look for me. It's been what, a year?! Oy Gevalt! Wellllllll, I'm baaaack. I've been peepin' some folks blogs. I ask, do anybody make real shit anymore? Is it just me, or has the definition of "blogging" changed to copying and pasting everything you see off Kanye's blog and putting it on yours. If I knew I was going to be wasting my precious MacBook battery life looking at pics of shoes, cars, and hoes, I would have took my ass to Melrose. FAIL!